West Ham = 2 Points Dropped

West Ham have lost five Premiership games this season and only won one - a 2-0 away victory on the opening day of the season against Wolves.

Yesterday, they were there for the taking and Arsenal were dominating them with relative ease. By half-time we were 2-0 up and cruising. With 30 minutes left and the score still at 2-0, it was a case of how many more can we score.

A friend of mine sent me a text stating that Arsenal would win 4-0. This was after we had just gone 1-0 up. I thought that he already knew the outcome of the match and started to relax, chatting to my wife about nonsensical stuff. I didn't realize that the game was live. It was a big mistake. My wife said that she didn't recognize any of the Arsenal players. Where was Adebayor? We sold him to Man City. What about Kolo? He's gone there too. At this point she was starting to irritate me and then Zola put on Hines and that bald Italian cunt Diamanti. They completely changed the game with their pace and trickery.

Diamanti was hungry. He had a point to prove after being dropped for the ineffective Mexican Franco. He got stuck in, ran at the Arsenal defense, hassled Arsenal players for the ball and awoke the silent home crowd. When Hines came on after 64 minutes, a new pace and energy was inserted to West Ham. His substitution brought the best out of Cunton Cole who now had support, thus making West Ham a threat.

But when you think that the final result is 4-0, you shrug off West Ham's new goal threat as nothing. The wife's questions on who was Arsenal's number 17 and 11 were answered. But when she commented that West Ham's players were hotter than Arsenal's I started to get annoyed.

Then West Ham won a free-kick on the edge of the Arsenal box. Diamanti slammed it to the left hand corner, Mannone palmed it into the path of Cunton Cole who made it 2-1. Game on and I cursed my mate for saying that we were going to win 4-0. I was now worried and annoyed.

The wife picked up my vibe and tried to soothe things by offering to make pancakes. "Sure," I answered, only because I wanted her to go away.

At this point I had a bad feeling. When Hines came on Arsenal fans were shouting "Ole" every time an Arsenal player touched the ball. They also mockingly chanted "You may as well go home," to the West Ham faithful, fully confident that game was in the bag. It reminded me of the Carling Cup semi-final second leg against Wigan Athletic in 2006. Arsenal were winning 2-0 and were minutes away from the final. Every Arsenal pass was greeted with an "Ole" from the Highbury crowd only for Jason Roberts to score in the last minute and send Arsenal crashing out. How embarrassing! Yet here we are three years on and the same arrogance by Arsenal fans reappears.

At 2-1 Arsenal were on the ropes. Arshavin went missing. Diamanti was overly physical, slamming an elbow into Cesc's throat and Scott Parker was being the little cunt that we know he is. I remember when Arsenal lost 1-0 to Newcastle back in December 2005. It was Arsenal's third Premiership defeat on the trot, a fact the media glorified non-stop. Parker that day was dirty. His challenges were over the top. Shearer was worse but the commentators claimed that they were showing guts and character, something that Arsenal lacked. That was until Jens Lehmann challenged Parker for a ball and knocked his front tooth out.

There should be a religion named after Jens.

Yesterday, Parker was at it again. Only this time the cunt got sent-off.

In the last 10 minutes Arsenal were the better team and should have won had it not been for a Robert Green save in injury time.

At full-time the wife asked me if I wanted Aunt Jemima's syrup on my pancakes. I gave her a psycho killer look and stormed out the house. She had no clue that Arsenal had just thrown away two points. When I returned 30 minutes later she had gone. The pancakes were in trash can along with my Arsenal shirt. On the table was the syrup with Aunt Jemima smiling at me. I felt depressed and wanted to drink an entire bottle of Clorex.

Yesterday, I learned two things: 1) Never watch a game with someone who is not as passionate as you are; 2) Never text during a game unless you completely trust the person you are sending texts to.

Keep it Arsenal.