Time To Stand Tall

If Arsenal beat Stoke City on Saturday they will win the Premier League. Defeat, however, rules Arsenal out, while a draw only gives slim hope.

Stoke City away is a horrible fixture. It's average footballers using thug tactics, long throws, long balls, aerial bombardment and defensive discipline to the max. If Arsenal are to win they have stand tall, be hard, play ugly and prepare for war. Winning doesn't have to be pretty.

There's two misnomers about Stoke City. The first is that they play football. They don't. Not when you have Rory Delap taking five minutes to take a 25 yard throw in - after he has wiped it with a towel - and not when you have thugs like Danny Higgenbottom kicking, elbowing and stamping anything in his way. If Stoke play football then my penis plays the violin.

The second misnomer is that Stoke is an actual city. It’s not. It's just six shit towns full of white trash or Chavs who hate the smaller Indian/Pakistani community. It's the reason why the fascist British National Party held a rally last month in Stoke, protesting against the rising Muslim community.

So what does Stoke have to offer other than a wide selection of sports shops and pound stores? It has the low grade shopping mall in the cesspit town of Hanley called "The Potteries Center." This where most of the Stoke Chavs hang out in a show of defiance against authorities and the growing asylum seeker population. They lurk around menacingly, with their white Reebok Classics and hooded tops like a verminous disease, creating a shopping experience of loathing.

Hanley at night is another story though. It turns into an STD fest with teenage Chavs lingering around dimly lit bus shelters dropping cigarette butts on the floor and drinking cheap strong cans of Special Brew or Thunderbirds. There are some bars, just like there's corners in Skid Row that people seek for entertainment. Outside the most popular bar/nightclubs are lines of pasty white Chav's, with women wearing next to nothing because they can't afford to put their coat into a cloakroom. Some wear nothing more than a skirt in sub zero temperatures because they feel that flashing a bit of tit and thigh is their way gaining entry with the bouncers. These are bars that seem to be blissfully unaware of things like age restrictions or fire regulations.

Inside the bars is more scary. You will find, loud shite R&B disguised as techno with drunk Chavs practicing their moves for their wishful audition on American Idol or Britain's Got Talent. And the female talent on show is just like Stoke's football - it's horrible - consisting Susan Boyle's in their early 20's with peroxide blonde hair.

On game day, the Brittania Stadium is just as bad. It consists of white men of all ages drinking as much Stella as possible and then singing the Stoke national anthem of the Tom Jones hit "Why, Why, Delilah?" at the top of their voices. Before the game most of these white drunk scum then abuse one of the following: a) away fans especially southern fans; b) non-white people; c) the police; d) the referee and his officials.

After the game most Stoke fans continue their drinking in the pubs near to the stadium. They continue singing their rendition of "Delilah" but some are by now puking up in the street or the bathrooms. Others are hitting on the pasty white, overweight tarts who love to wear big cheap gold rings with their initials on them as well as big hoop earrings that look like curtain holders.

Stoke is hole and needs to go. The same goes for it's horrible football team.

Keep It Arsenal